It's been a great week in spite of my mediocre darts. This last Saturday season I was added to a team (against my gut feeling), and as the only girl on the team I was the weakest player. That's a hard thing to admit! No arrogance here, my darts were worse than worse. They literally couldn't be any worse!

I'm afraid to admit that all season, I won one single leg! WoooHooo, one leg. I suppose that is better than not winning a single leg all season. Still, I wanted to win, I wanted to win so badly that I shot myself in the foot. Not literally of course. But, wanting to win so badly, I took my head out of the game. I got nervous every time I stepped up to the line. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself and though I did throw some excellent shots and more tons than I have shot in a long time, the bottom line is that I was indeed a loser. I wanted so badly to contribute to the wins for the team, and as the lead-off gal, I wanted to start each league day right and get the team off to a right start with a win. It didn't happen.

You see, once you've put some emotion in the game it's an unfortunate fact that you sometimes let the emotions take over. What are usually easy shots are easily missed because one wants to win so badly. So what is the answer? You tell me, cause I don't really have a clue.

In my defense, I was placed on a team in the highest Saturday league division, far beyond any skill that I might have. These teammates of mine were very supportive but they through double-bulls around my missed shots. I thought that shooting with a better team would make me a better player, I mean step up and all that jazz, but it just didn't happen. And as each week passed, I placed even more pressure on myself. As most darters know, the more pressure one puts on one's self, the worse one does. That certainly was the case for me!

As a passionate, competitive darter, my attitude at the line goes something like this: "C'mon, let's get this match started - it's me against the board and I plan on winning!" I take part in the positive self-talk, telling myself "C'mon, get up there and do it, you know you can, you've done it before and today is no different!"

On this Saturday league though, this was a whole different ball-game. Instead of the positive self-talk, I wanted to win so badly that I told myself things like "C'mon, don't lose AGAIN! C'mon, please, please, please if there is a dart God in the heaven's above, please let me win this match!" Quite a difference in the attitude of knowing and wanting to win to begging to do well and not make a fool out of myself!

My teammates were great. They were encouraging and volunteered to partner with me which showed me that they had more confidence in me then I had in myself. That is a problem, especially if you want to win!

Granted, I was playing in a much higher division of more skillful players, but knowing the strategy, everyone has a shot at winning as long as they play smart darts. And they can end the game at will. I couldn't. Did I get any better shooting with these more skillful players? Not really. It's all a head game, a mental game of focus and I didn't bring my mental game to the line. I was out of my league before the first Saturday afternoon of darts even started. I beat myself.

So, the question that I have been asking myself is "When does a darter get tired of losing and turn thing around and win? And what makes the difference between a good darter who wins and a regular kinda darter gal who wants to win, but just doesn't do it?" Do you have the answers? Because I certainly don't.

I think the answer for me, for the time being is to shoot on a team more in my division of skillful players where I may build my confidence and mental game while trying to become a more skillful shooter. Let's face it. No one like to lose a single match, let alone an entire season of matches. ARGHHHH! Though I kept up a good attitude, the darts just weren't there and my confidence has taken a nose dive.

So, I plan to step back, join a different team and get my head back in the game. I know I am capable of shooting great darts and one of my mottos is that we all have moments of greatness, and I have plenty in me yet. And I truly believe this. At this point, it's a confidence game...We'll see how next season goes.

One more thing: My postal carrier delivered a few old discontinued dart books for my collection, ordered off of eBay.com. That made my day and I forgot all about Saturday darts...After all, there are other dart league days and more dart books to read. Thank goodness for ebay - I think I'm in heaven. If only I would win the lottery so I could buy every dart book that ever existed...Who knows, maybe someday. My needs, wants and desires are simple - a win here and there and lots of dart books. What could be better?

As always, shoot well and I'll see you at the line.